One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
