Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
