woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
