Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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