Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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