i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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