Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
