I wish my penis had an off switch
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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