Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
