Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
