They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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