ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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