Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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