we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
