Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
