i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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