nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
