just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
