Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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