i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
