hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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