You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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