Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
