I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You left your phone here
Wait...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
