she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
