I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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