Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
