woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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