***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
