I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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