There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
