I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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