He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
