Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
