enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
