just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
