Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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