so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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