I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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