Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
