I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
