that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
