I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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