so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
