mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
