Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
