mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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