i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
