I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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