I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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