I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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