Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
