I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
