You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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