sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
