I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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