I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
