I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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