Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
