I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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