remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
