hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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