So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
