dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Randomize
