had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
