What a fucking waste of an outfit
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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