I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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