Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
