If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
